remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
