I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
