I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
