even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
