The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
