I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
