I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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