John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
