I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
