NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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