All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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