So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The air taste purple.
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