how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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