I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
