thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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