Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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