I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
