I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
