So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
