Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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