I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
