She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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