3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
