Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
