Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
