Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
