Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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