Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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