i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
