I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize