Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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