Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
