Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
