Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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