i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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