Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
