hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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