i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
