Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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