I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize