I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
