I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
