So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
