So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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