Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
