I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize