Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
