This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
