I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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