he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
