No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
