He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
