I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
