well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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