I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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