i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
