video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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