drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize