Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
