why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
