When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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