Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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