Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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