I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
